Technische problemen in het Star Trek universum

Bericht door **mr_Vulcan** » 12 jun 2002, 12:04

Je hebt vast wel eens een keer problemen gehad met bepaalde technische dingen. Je kubt dan bijvoorbeeld een hulplijn bellen die je dan verder helpt.

Wat als dit ook in het Star Trek universum gebeurt?

Beller: Uhm, ik heb eeb nieuwe pahser gekocht en nu probeer ik het uit maar hijndoet het niet! Kan ik een nieuwe krijgen?

Operator: Wat voor type is het?

Beller: Het beste van het beste!

Operator: Hoe ziet de phaser eruit?

Beller: Nou, het heeft een ovaal stukje met een driehoek erop. Het is zilver met goud.

Operator: Ehm, meneer? Dat is een communicator.

Beller: Oh, dus daarom hoor ik stemmen!

Operator: *zucht*

*click*

Dit kunnen jullie vast beter! Doe net of iemand de tech-lijn belt met een probleem. Maak er iets grappigs van!

Bericht door **HorckDude** » 12 jun 2002, 12:25

Hehe, wel leuk idee.

Janeway: Voyager to Pathfinder!
Pathfinder: Pathfinder here, lt. Barclay here.
Janeway: Could you connect me to Starfleet Engineering? You see, we encountered a few Borg cubes, half of the crew is assimilated and I can't seem to restart the warp core. When I choose 'restart' from the LCARS Engineering Core display I see a large blue screen with a strange logo and the word 'Windows'.

4of8 · Bericht door **4of8** » 12 jun 2002, 12:29

Delete the OS and install MacOS...

Then you will be able to handle even 1000 cubes!!

22339 · Bericht door **22339** » 12 jun 2002, 12:58

4of8 schreef:Delete the OS and install MacOS...

Then you will be able to handle even 1000 cubes!!

mac rulez

----------

Operator: wlcome to visor corp, how can i help you?

Geordi: yes mister la'forge here my visor seems to malfunction?

Operator: (pakt check list) Do you wear it right now?

Geordi: Yes?

Operator: What do you see?

Geordi: Nothing?

Operator: What happends when you turn it off and on again?

Geordi: Nothing?

Operator: did you check the batterys?

Geordi: No....

Operator:(*zucht) Wel just recharge them or put in some new batterys and your visor will be just fine.

*click*

cybermans · Bericht door **cybermans** » 12 jun 2002, 14:07

computer voice: 300 starships before u please wait.....

Bericht door **mr_Vulcan** » 12 jun 2002, 14:32

^Hahahahahaha! LOL! Ik zie het al voor me!

Er zijn nog drie..honderd...vijf..en..zeventig...wachtenden voor u. Een ogenblikje alstublieft!

22339 · Bericht door **22339** » 12 jun 2002, 14:35

<Voyager under atack>

Kim: 6 Borg cubes incomming!!

Janeway: Tom do something?

Tom: like what?

Janeway: I dont know?

Tuvok: lets call the "what do i do when i am under atack hotline"

Tom: *dialing

Computervoice: This information number wil cost you 1 bar of latinum per minute + your moblile-phone costs.

Computervoice: Welcome to the "what do i do when i am under atack hotline"

Tom: hello i like to know h......
Computervoice:
pres 1 for battletactics
pres 2 for formation atacks
pres 3 for evasive manuvres
pres 4 for cloacked enemies
pres 5 for dominion atcks
pres 6 for borg atcks
pre..(*bliep)

Tom: drukt op 6

Computervoice:
pres 1 if you are already assimulated
pres 2 is you are traped in an holding beam
pres 3 if a transwarp-knot just opend infront of you
pres 4 for shield modulations
pres 5 for incomming cubes
pres...(*bliep)

Tom: drukt 5

Computervoice:
You have selected "Borg atacks" "incomming cubes"
Now pres the number of incomming borg cubes on your phone.

Tom: drukt 6

Computervoice: You selected "borg atacks" "six" "incomming cubes" pres * to start over again and # if this is correct

Tom: drukt #

Computervoice: Now select the class starship you are at.
pres 1 for Galaxy
pres 2 for akira
pres 3 for defiant
pres 4 for miranda
pres 5 for intrepid
pre.. (*bliep)

Tom: Drukt 5

Computervoice:
Pres 1 for statistics
pres 2 for advice
pre.... (*bliep)

Tom: drukt 2

Computervoice:
our advice for : "Intrepid" class starship under "borg atack" from "six" "cubes" is: Get the hell out there, you don't stand a chance.
tuuuu tuuuu tuuuuu tuuuu tuuuuu

cybermans · Bericht door **cybermans** » 12 jun 2002, 14:43

had beter kunnen zijn please self destruct. because they are faster and better armed and you are overwhelmed

Tom · Bericht door **Tom** » 12 jun 2002, 22:48

Deze is niet van mijzelf, en misschien ken je het al, 't komt van Picard's Readyroom:

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker looks puzzled. "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"

Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

Data "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

lees verder >>>

Bericht door **mr_Vulcan** » 13 jun 2002, 11:17

Lol! Hartstikke leuk 22339!

Die was echt goed!

22339 · Bericht door **22339** » 13 jun 2002, 11:28

cybermans · Bericht door **cybermans** » 13 jun 2002, 11:31

The Federation · Bericht door **The Federation** » 13 jun 2002, 16:50

Mmm, sorry hoor, maar wat heeft dit met technische problemen te maken??

Nemesis · Bericht door **Nemesis** » 13 jun 2002, 23:28

Repair-Service: Hello This is the universal repair service.. Joann KnowsALot speaking
Sisko: Hello Benjamin Sisko from Deep Space Nine here, Could you sent a mechanic over her.
Joann KnowsALot: Yes sir right away, Is Chief O'brien on an Away Mission again
Sisko: Thank You, Yeah How do You know..
Joann KnowsALot: I Know a lot sir.... Goodbye
Sisko: Goodbye

[-Mic-] · Bericht door **[-Mic-]** » 15 jun 2002, 14:33

Wat als je nu een lekke band (kapotte plasmainjector) in space krijgt ? En je hebt wat onderdelen nodig... bel je dan ff met de interstellar ANWB.

Maarja dat moet je wel eerst ff lid zijn natuurlijk.

cybermans · Bericht door **cybermans** » 17 jun 2002, 09:31

ik denk dat ze wel het een en ander zelf op voorraad hebben. en anders kunnen ze maybe het ding zelf replicaten. en anders zal er maybe een high warp schip vanaf een starbase moeten komen

Dragonlord · Bericht door **Dragonlord** » 17 jun 2002, 17:55

Erm, ik denk dat dit topic beter naar de mess-hall kan worden verplaatst. Vind dit meer een "Star-Trek Humor"Topic.

nu we toch al bezig zijn:

http://people.zeelandnet.nl/picard/humor/alien.htm

voyager-girl · Bericht door **voyager-girl** » 18 jun 2002, 15:27

Het heeft niet echt met technologie te maken, maar wel met een hulplijn.

janeway: voyager is stranded in the delta quadrant, cabn you help us get get back?

Operator: sure, where excelly are you?

Janeway: 70.000 lightyears from earth, near a planet called ocampa...

Operator: ok, i can help you

Janeway: really? that't great. But how?

Operator: fly back home

Janeway: but that would take decates!

Operator: yeah, i know....

*tuut tuut tuut*

Erg dom...

22339 · Bericht door **22339** » 19 jun 2002, 12:20

welcome to the Adaption helpdesk, for everything you cant, adapt to.

TrekkieNR6 · Bericht door **TrekkieNR6** » 27 jun 2002, 00:32

hahaha lol dit is echt een grappig suf topic zeg... maar wel leuk.

-bieb--bieb--bieb--bieb--bieb--bieb--bieb--bieb-
tuut - tuut -
[voice]Hello welkom at the adoption center for the Federation. How can I help you?
[Trip] Well i've got something for you, how soon can you get here?
[voice] I'm sorry, we usealy don't do pickup runs. What seems to be the problem?
[Trip] Damn! I probaly should have asked if twins we're common in there species...

borgangel · Bericht door **borgangel** » 16 jul 2002, 23:55

oooh leuk hoor straks krijgen we een UPC versie hier van voor startrek!!

Tha Ertenal · Bericht door **Tha Ertenal** » 04 feb 2005, 00:31

lol, tis maybe oude koeie uit de sloot halen, maar laten we weer hier gaan posten

:P

Tom: Errr, our os is full of virusses!! I can't clear them anymore, i think we have to reinstall.
Janeway: So where are you waiting for?
Tom: Err. i dont have a disc with LCARS on it... only i had a cd of linux from the holodek.
Janeway: Well, i've heart that this was crap in the 21 century, better install windows...

skelotor · Bericht door **skelotor** » 04 feb 2005, 08:30

hulplijn: hoe kan ik u helpen???
Beller: mijn schip heeft een kapote warpdrive
Hulplijn: Waar bevindt u zich???
Beller: klingongebied.
Hulplijn: daar wil niemand komen meneer.
Beller: maar...
TUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuTuuuuuuuuuuuuTuuuuuuuuuu

Gigano · Bericht door **Gigano** » 06 mar 2005, 00:42

USS Voyager, net aangekomen in het Delta Quadrant...

Janeway: Report!
Kim: Warpdrive is offline, so is the main computer core, we lost enviromental controls on deck 4, section 1 through 15 alpha, casulties reports are comming in: 12 dead, 52 wounded, 16 critical, transp---
Janeway: All right, that's enough bad new for today! What could be a worse situation than this?
Paris: Being stranded another 10,000 lightyears further, Captain.
Janeway: Humor isn't the best option now, mr Paris. This isn't going to work... Ensign Kim, call "them"...
Kim: Captain, are you sure?
Janeway: Positive, my replicator's down, and I need coffee, black---
Computer: That command cannot be excecuted, replicator systems are offline.
Janeway: The hell it is! Just call "them": 555-23278464.
Kim: Dialing... They're responding, audio only.
Janeway: Let's hear it.
Operator: You have dialed the following number: 555-23278464. This number is currently on hold. Please hold for an estimated: 2 minutes, 40 seconds. *muziek begint te spelen*
Janeway: Kim, mute audio...
Kim: I can't, it's part of the program.
Janeway: Just great...
*2 minuten later*
Kim: We're being hailed.
Janeway: Put it through.
Operator: Welcome to the main aiding system. Please specify aid:
1 - Assimilation
2 - Starving
3 - Dehydrating
4 - Psychological aid
5 - Q
Janeway: Well, not the most comforting options... Try nr. 5.
Operator: You have selected 5 - Q. Congrutulations Kathy, you've just one a trip with the marvelest person you've ever met!
*Q verschijnt met de 'Q-Flits op de brug*
Q: Do tell me what's your problem, so I can solve it with my omnipotence. You know you like it...
Janeway: Just bring us back to the Alpha Quadrant... and fix this ship.
Q: All right. *Q knipt met zijn vingers, flits*
Janeway: Where the hell are we, and where's my crew?
Q: Oh they're still in the Delta Quadrant, with a repaired ship. You said you wanted us to be brought here, didn't you darling?
Janeway: Bring me back to Voyager!
Q: Kathy, I will get you some day. You know I will.
*flits*
Paris: Welcome back.
Janeway: Thanks. Status?
Kim: All crewmembers are fine, ships systems are fully functional.
Janeway: All right, that's enough for today. Computer, end simulation.
Computer: That command cannot be excecuted, holodeck systems are malfunctioning.
Janeway: Clarrify.
Computer: Hologrids are overloading, system shutdown is impossible.
Janeway: You mean I'm stuck in this simulation?
Computer: Affirmative.
Janeway: Computer, check the source of the malfunction.
Computer: That comm--- that comm--- that comm--- that comm---
Janeway: Computer, reboot.
Computer: That comm--- that comm--- that comm--- that comm---
Janeway: Computer, reinitialize the system!
Computer: That comm--- that comm--- that comm--- that comm---
Janeway: *zucht* Damn Windows 2371, I knew we should have sticked to LCARS!

Troy · Bericht door **Troy** » 06 mar 2005, 17:26

Gigano schreef:Janeway: You mean I'm stuck in this simulation?

LOL

-=porthos=- · Bericht door **-=porthos=-** » 08 mar 2005, 23:19

For all your problems press F1 on the LCARS. If you can't press F1 or if you can't find it... ...BAD LUCK.

WeyounsLastClone · Bericht door **WeyounsLastClone** » 10 mar 2005, 14:14

*dingdong* Wegens een wisselstoring vliegen er op dit moment minder schepen op het traject Betazed-Vulcan. Reizigers voor de richting Andor en verder worden geadviseerd via Ferenginar te reizen. Houdt u rekening met een vertraging van ongeveer 30 minuten.

-=porthos=- · Bericht door **-=porthos=-** » 10 mar 2005, 14:17

Voor overig vliegverkeer volg de gele routebordjes met nummer 35A

Paulstartrek · Bericht door **Paulstartrek** » 10 mar 2005, 23:27

WeyounsLastClone schreef:*dingdong* Wegens een wisselstoring vliegen er op dit moment minder schepen op het traject Betazed-Vulcan. Reizigers voor de richting Andor en verder worden geadviseerd via Ferenginar te reizen. Houdt u rekening met een vertraging van ongeveer 30 minuten.

Wij zetten vrachtschepen in op dit traject

Bericht door **Raynor's Revenge** » 11 mar 2005, 12:10

*ding dong* We zijn aangekomen op halte DS9, na saucer seperation gaat de saucer-module verder naar Cardassia en de base-section zal doorgaan richting Gamma Quadrant, zorgt u ervoor dat u in het goede deel zit *ding dong*